New year, new you, new me, new all of it : How to start a fearless year

A note from Jenna:
Sometimes we see those women. The ones who seem to have it all. They have a beautiful family, a happy marriage, the dream career, and probably wake up looking amazing. It's easy to see the Instagram filtered face and think things are rosy on the other side of the screen, but life doesn't work that way. Emily is bravely sharing her essay today of how she went from one of the most challenging times of her life to braving a new career path into entrepreneurship. I hope you'll take from it inspiration, connection, and a reminder that we all have our own unique struggles so darn it, let's stand together, support one another, and be brave. xo Jenna

Big Changes

Who knew come September 21, 2017 late on a Fall Thursday night I would no longer be employed at my job of almost 13 years. A job I loved, a job I put my heart, soul and life into, a job that I never for saw myself leaving, a job that grew me, a job that showed me the value in myself, a job that more than provided, a job that I found much success, a job that formed lifelong relationships, and a job that had all of me. But something was missing.

See let’s just jump in and get personal. I suffered from some postpartum anxiety after my second baby in 2016. Six weeks out it hit me like a truck. I felt as though I sucked at mothering my 2 year old, I sucked at being a wife, my house no longer looked like a home and eventually that I was also failing my marriage. Why me, this didn’t happen after my first birth? On top of it I am made to carry babies. Pregnancy is a breeze, they both came a couple weeks early, I actually attained all my “birth goals”, I was able to nurse and pump for both children, picture perfect right. I felt so guilty that this is what most moms dream of and here I sit day after day balling because I feel so flipping overwhelmed by every damn minute of everything. But my self talk was “power through you’re a mom right? You HAVE to HAVE your shit together.”

So back to this job I love I went. I was able to take about 14 weeks off which was amazing. I was so excited to be back at work as it is definitely an outlet for me. I love my guests and couldn’t wait to catch up after being gone all summer and of course get a paycheck again. It was great. I jumped back in feet first had to work pretty hard to rebuild a little after taking 2 full maternity leaves within 2 years but by early 2017 I was feeling like things were finally getting back to normal. Scott and I attended a work trip in late January to Mexico which we needed as a couple so badly. The PPA and trying to make a work balance had basically made me a non existent wife.

Some events took place after we got back that I was completely blindsided by and that was it. Little did I know that my life would never be the same after that day. My husband who I cannot tell you enough is one of the most positive, supportive, caring people I know. He said to me on the phone, as I was crying uncontrollably that “Em, it is time. You're done, you need to move on and do something better, this is ruining you and I want you back. I will help you, we will be fine, I know you feel safe, but now is your time.” So there I sat shaking in the Target parking lot that something I never wanted to do was now in the rearview mirror. But could I dot it? I knew I would lose people in my life that I love. Financially are we ready for this with 2 kids in daycare? What will my parents say? Is this the dumbest thing I could do or is the best decision I will ever make? I had all the doubt and questions.

Shortly after my husband and I started the journey of starting my own business I quickly realized that this was the best decision for my family and myself. Emotionally I was still struggling and something needed to give. Little did I know that would be my job. My everything that I worked my ass off for. It was time to put it behind me and move forward. We change, I myself have changed 110% since I started this job in 2005 and I have those experiences to partially thank for that. This was a decision that did not come easy at all. Lots of tears, lots of unknowns, lots of questions. This was never my dream. I make goals in the back of my Blue Sky planner every year and starting my own business was never one of them. But then with all the support that has been behind me I realized this can and maybe deep down was my dream. My business partner told me last night that after she has seen the amount of work I have done on the back end of this project she truly believes we were born to do this. We just needed to be open to it.

Scared Shitless

So just like that somethings went a different direction and we had to have the scariest sit down of our lives and say out loud that an opportunity came into our lives and we have to take it. Short and simple. I am emotional and I knew that this time I had to be strong and fearless. We know we would never set foot in those doors again. I thought I would be on my hands and knees in total distress. Like a “what the f@#k did I just do” moment. But as we walked out those doors one last time I felt something I wasn’t expecting. Relief, the stress was gone, the anxiety was gone. A set of totally new feelings were being felt. It was like being reborn and this is the first day of my new life.

We have definitely had your normal project hiccups, but I can proudly say that this last 12 weeks of unemployment have been nothing short of chaotic yet amazing. Growing this baby now into the final stages has made me recognize my value even more.

Ring it in like you own it

So mamas and friends. As you are coming into 2018 fast and furious. I ask you to take time. Take a moment before Monday morning and dig deep. Is there something you want this year? Something you want to be better at? Someone you want to reconnect with? A skill to learn? A way to make the world a brighter place? Whatever it is write it down and make your own. You CAN do this and you WILL do this. The power of positivity can change your life. So grab those goals and crush the shit outta them. You got this.

Happy New Year Friends! XO EM